i’m on the road this weekend, in the town of London, Ontario, taking in the conference: “Brain, Mind & Body: Trauma, Neurobiology & the Healing Relationship”.


we’re going over some serious subject matter: synchrony, attunement, and self regulation: the neurobiology of childhood abuse and neglect, sense of self in trauma survivors, early childhood trauma, unresolved trauma, PTSD and so on.  we’ve already purchased books like “The Body Keeps the Score, Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma”, Bessel Van der Kolk, M.D., (he’s here, presenting at the conference) published in 2015 by Penguin Books.  and “Affect Regulation, and the Repair of the Self” by Allan N. Schore, published in 2003, Norton.  plus a few other super heavy duty titles we won’t get into here.

so me being native, first nations, aboriginal, indigenous, indian, or whatever the label, and knowing the relationship these people have had with the federal government for the past 150 years, you’ll know some of us and our families have experienced unpleasant things, some of which could be: Indian Residential Schools and/or the Sixties Scoop.  (we’re not talking wars here, or natural disasters, we’re talking government policy with the locals)

anyway.  and so we are here and it is now!  we’re in a nice hotel.  and we’re in a nice room with big comfy beds.

i just woke from this nightmare:

i was alone, walking at night, in winter.  the snow covered earth was brighter than the sky, something i’ve seen many times throughout my own many winters.  it wasn’t a well traveled road, more like a country lane of some sort, and i could see to my right, the snow covered fields and in the distance, low rolling hills and beyond: the mighty forest.

it was one of those winter nights where it was an overcast sky and the gentle breeze was out of the south, mild.  there was no noise or light pollution, kind of like being back home, in the old country, up there on “the island”.

as i walked along this path in silence, every now and again i would pass by a very huge and old maple tree on the field.  and behind these trees, i sensed something was out there.

as i continued, the maple trees became younger, and were growing along what would normally be a fence line.  and whatever was out there, was getting closer.

soon i was entering a hardwood forest, mostly young maple trees, thick and black against the snow covered forest floor and the late night overcast sky.  whatever was out there, behind the huge old trees on the field, was now very close, and not just one, but many.

i stopped, turned to the right, faced the forest and whatever it was out there, moving on me, i could see a piece of it.  in the distance i could see one of them, standing behind one of these younger maple trees.  i couldn’t identify what shape it was, all i could see was a black object.

then there was another one, over there.  and yet another, in another place.  and more of them.

i turned and continued but now i could hear something out there, something moving in the darkness.  and i somehow sensed the colour purple, not the blues and greens i usually walk with.

so i turned to face the things and there they were, in with the trees, in with the forest.  i could see them, dark shapes, some of them moving into the flanking positions.  just when i realized what they were about to do, one of them flew out of the darkness to my right and it was a huge black wolf with eyes blazing red, charging right at me.

whew!  you can bet i woke up in quite a state, here in my fancy bed, in my fancy hotel room.

well in a few short hours it will be day 2 at this conference…